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Battle Beasts- Full Descriptions & Notes


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#176 Jabroniville

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Posted 24 February 2019 - 09:27 PM

83GroundWolf1a.jpg
 
#83: GROUND WOLF
 
Animal Basis: 
 

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-The common Wolf is among the most famous predators of all, legendary in myth as a figure of pure evil or terror, since the early days when they actually preyed upon humans. Fears about them in Europe led to massive culls, and they suffered similar fates all over the world. However, their history is linked forever to us, as large groups of them slowly adapted to meet the needs of the nearby humans, and became the common canine, one of the most important animals relative to humans that ever lived (among the cow, rat/mouse, chicken and horse).
-Countless films and shows have been about wolves or dogs (Balto, White Fang, Mowgli in the Jungle Book was raised by them, etc.), and they fit perfectly into any campaign. A few old-school Golden Age heroes had dogs for sidekicks, but that's seen as kind of goofy these days. It COULD work if you made it a bad-ass wolf or Rottweiler these days, though. Their packs make great temporary threats or something to throw against a villain or two. 
 
Toy Description: Man, this is one ugly Beast. Like, you had a WOLF- the most legendary of European predators, and you make him look like a silly muppet? So disappointing. He's like the worst combination of Beast features: a plain color scheme (Brown/Blue), hunchbacked, and with a REALLY goofy face. 
 
Ground Wolf is of fairly solid height for a Beast, and has some color variation, but he's altogether quite plain. You can tell he's a doglike creature because of the muzzle, but it's VERY pronounced, to the point of looking kind of silly. His snout is so long and flat it looks crocodilian, and has odd ridges on it- two rows of four bumps each, resembling corn on the cob. He's got a long, detailed mouth full of pointy teeth, too. His ears are rather pointy like a wild dog's (floppy ears arer a sign of domestication). 
 
With a kind of silly head and a weird posture (his head is sunk WAY down past his shoulders; made more prominent by his huge shoulder things), he's one of the weaker Beasts in either line, in my opinion. His only real benefit is having a lot of detail, and the odd fact that he's totally assymetrical- his shoulderpads, wrist-guards and boots are all different from the other side. Mine has an "83B" on his left boot, along with the peg-hole. His other foot has the copywrite information.
 
Colors: Five. His body is primarily a grey/blue color, sort of resembling tan (it looks close to an actual dog's coloring), with a light brown on the top of his head (the top of the snout, his nose, and the outsides of his ears. His armor is a dark, glossy blue, with red Secondary Colors. His eyes are yellow.
Armor: Ground Wolf's armor is actually a bit complex, though it's a dark color so it's harder to see. His head is sunken way down into the upper armor, with two large slabs beside his head, ending in a red triangle, and two little red circles (looking like gun nozzles) below them. His entire codpiece from the front is a giant red crotch that's bisected down the middle, with two bits off to the sides- the rest is "ribbed" and dark blue, going around to the back, which isn't that detailed. His shoulder-things are quite blocky and have a lot of square cut-outs on the back.
 
Unusually, however, his extra bits are assymetrical- unusual for this line. His right shoulder-pad is pointed on the outside and has some rectangles encircling it, while the other is more fitted and tight, with a lot of "ribbing" on it, along with some circles posted on. His right wrist-guard is an under-detailed block with a very large, curved "slab" on the outside, with a rectangle in the middle and a big swooping part of it pointing outwards. His left wrist-guard is more fitted and round, ribbed on the entire outside, with a circle and four squares on the front & back. His boots are identical except for the kneepads- the right is blocky, with a rectangular kneepad, and the left is round with a circle on top of it. The rest of the boots swoop inwards from the front, have two projections on each side, and a very big, splayed out boot with a rim around it. The backs of the boots are completely plain, save for a little "slot" at the very bottom of each one.
 
Weapon: His gun actually looks like it has a flat wolf's head in the middle, complete with a mouthful of jagged teeth.
Hands & Feet: Very bland "mitten" hands.
Easily-Broken Bits: A light gray body (his plastic is that color) with a VERY dark set of armor is bound to have a lot of noticeable paint wear.
 
Do I Have One?: Yep- got him at the local Antique Mall- like another one, he has a shattered marble. It actually has a cool effect, with a pronounced fracture to one side and multiple lines spreading outwards.
 
Overall Score: 3.5/10 (A truly hideous, poorly-designed figure at first glance, but with a handful of impressive details if you look closely. I can't give him a good mark, though)
 

 


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#177 Rubberhammer

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Posted 25 February 2019 - 07:49 AM

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears may be stronger, but the Wolf will not perform at the circus.
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#178 Jabroniville

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Posted 27 February 2019 - 10:13 PM

Lions, and Tigers, and Bears may be stronger, but the Wolf will not perform at the circus.

They're a royal pain in the butt to train, as well. While they can be made into "pets", wolves will never stop challenging their "master", and are enormously more dangerous and ornery than any domestic dog. They are VERY far removed from dogs, no matter what their DNA says.


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#179 Jabroniville

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Posted 02 March 2019 - 07:30 PM

80Anarchy1a.jpg
 
#80: ANARCHY
 
Animal Basis: 
 
ScalopusAquaticus.jpg
 
-Anarchy, like Miner Mole, is some form of mole. The exact species is pretty hard to determine, but this one isn't purple. His brown fur and tan nose resemble an Eastern Mole, but really, most moles kinda look like that, though are more alien and odd (with tiny eyes).
 
Toy Description: Anarchy is one of the best-looking Laser Beasts, in my opinion, in that he has an interesting color scheme (bright red with brown), a simple but unique silhouette, and a bulky body that actually makes him look impressive. Though he copies the BB Mole's species, he has enough different things about him, and a lot of little details that are quite cool. You could have slotted this guy into the BB line easily.
 
Anarchy (no idea why he doesn't get an animal-themed name) is very broad for a Beast, and only a little shorter than some like the Rhino. His brown fur is detailed with a lot of straight lines all over his body, and his muzzle ends in a little nose and mouth. His armor is the most distinctive, with large cylinders on his shoulders and a giant drill for a Weird Hand. Five colors in all, tied for the most in the line, with a lot placed around his face- it "pops" more than most multicolored Beasts because of this.
 
An "80B" and a peg-hook are on the left foot of mine, and the copywrite information is on his left.
 
Colors: Five. His body is a plain mid-level brown color, with a tan muzzle. His armor is a very bright red, with blue frames in his visor, and a little yellow forehead bit.
Armor: Anarchy sports a very wide frame and a simple torso, with fairly little details on that part. His front has projected "suspenders" but largely big chunks of flat material, with little vents on his back. The shoulder pads are much more interesting, however, with very big rounded pads decked out with twin lines all over, and a projected "shelf" sticking out from the sides. A smaller, "inner pad" is underneath each large pad. On top of each are very long cylinders leading front and back, actually longer than the pads themselves are. His wrist guard is very square-ish, with no detail on the outside, but lots of little squares and lines on every other side- it's not symmetrical, as the inside has a block leading towards the wrist.
 
And his left arm is very different- a large, rounded wrist guard has a block on one end, and long wires running up the front and back sides. It ends in a drill, consisting of a blunt-nosed point sticking out of a cylinder, sticking out of a larger, three-ringed cylinder. His boots are extremely detailed, with countless blocks and squares sticking out all over the place. His knees stick out noticeably far, the sides of the boots have very large blocks, and the front of the boots have tons of little lines on them. Only the backs are left fairly plain.
 
Weapon: His gun doesn't have a "mole" look to it, but is instead a giant drill, with a swirling line etched into the whole thing, ending in a four-pronged rim and a blunt tip projected outwards. It's one of the bulkier guns, even sporting a big handle on the top.
Hands & Feet: A very bland "mitten" hand, but the aforementioned drill on the other.
Easily-Broken Bits: None, but the muzzle is light paint on brown, so expect lots of wear on the nose.
 
Do I Have One?: Yep- there was a bit of an adventure, as I detailed on this site a couple of years ago. I bought him from a seller in South America, and was a bit perturbed to see him not even SHIP IT for two or three weeks. Now, I'm a pretty patient guy, but that's weird. So when I politely asked him if it had shipped yet, he gave me this big story about how his bank was withholding his funds because they didn't know why he was getting all this money from overseas. Then he FINALLY shipped it out, and despite being a tiny package, I got a note to pick it up. And then I went to my local post office, and they pointed out that it was the WRONG ONE- I had to go halfway across the city by bus, then WALK for ten minutes, just to get to the right P.O.! So after more than a month of waiting, I finally had my Anarchy.
 
Humorously, another poster here had the same experience and got the same story. We both decided not to go with the guy again, but on the plus side, I got a pretty good deal- a Laser Beast, his gun, AND a little notification on him with his name and stuff, for only about $40 Canadian. Given that the cost of these is only rising, it was a good deal. And a more fun story than "so I bought him and he shipped quickly", I guess.
 
Overall Score: 9/10 (one of my favorite Beasts, actually- a very eye-popping color, great details, a good silhouette, etc.)

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#180 Exactobeast

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Posted 07 March 2019 - 06:08 AM

Hard to argue with the wolf rating.  I love the mole.  His body is top 5 all time.  The drill though.  Man, I didn't even realize it was a drill.  I painted one up once and it just ended up looking like some kind of pleasure toy. 


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#181 Jabroniville

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Posted 13 March 2019 - 02:05 AM

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#82: CONDORASSIN
 
Animal Basis:
 
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-Condors are the largest flying animals in North America, and the Californian variety is critically endangered, with only about 170 animals left. They are less lethal than most other Birds of Prey, owing to the fact that most of these eat prey that's already DEAD. Heck, I saw one have a heck of a time tearing into a dead bunny at the zoo- it had to open up its prey by the butthole! Unlike all other Birds, its sense of smell is PHENOMENAL, and birds like this are used to detect gas leaks (carrion scent is placed into gas mains, so that the birds centre around any leaks they can detect). Fun fact: their bald heads are to prevent decaying meat from sticking to them when they dive in.
 
Were it a condor, then Condorassin would probably be an ANDEAN Condor, owing to the prominent waddle above his nose. It's not a perfect likeness (condors are completely bald above the neck; this guy has grey feathers on his face), but it's close. But then a close look at the King Vulture (Condors are a variety of New World vulture) reveals the TRUE identity of this beast- not only is the more wrinkled waddle (officially called a "carunkle"- it's folded up skin meant as a signifier of health & virility) noticeable, but it even has the same little flaps underneath the beak that the King Vulture has! And the skin on the back of the head even folds up in the exact same way! Like, somebody REALLY did their research here- the likeness is uncanny!
 
Toy Description: Ugggggghhhhhhhh this one always kind of bothered me, like the Wolf- it's just plain UGLY. I mean, you EXPECT a vulture to be ugly ("Condorassin" is likely a portmanteau of "condor" and "assassin", with "condor" being easier for the Japanese to say than "vulture"- or they just didn't know the difference), but they really didn't do it any favors with the pink fleshy bits and the bright orange & grey look- it's an ugly color scheme. I would think black or red would look much cooler.
 
That said, it's hard to hate on the details. Like I said, I was able to determine not just the variety of animal, but nail the SPECIES because of this guy's facial detailing. It's really impressive. The tiny, ball-shaped head of this guy pokes out of a bend, vulturian neck that's this sickly, fleshy color- VERY thick paint on grey plastic. A notable "bald patch" on the top of his head is the same color. His head is grey and feathered (with a line of feathers going down his back, splitting up the pink neck that way), but with two rounded bits of grey flesh in "hoop" shapes, exactly like those of the King Vulture. His beak is very short and not very intimidating, and it sports a very large, lumpy, pink "waddle"- three peaks of balled-up flesh with a little part sticking out the front. His neck sprouts out of a "nest" of long grey feathers, just like most depictions of a vulture. His arms and legs are completely undetailed, but he has wings, like so many bird-based Battle Beasts. The feathesr are quite blocky and unconvincing on the front (a little too broad and flat- like a honeycomb patterrn), but look legitimate on the back, with increasingly-longer feathers as we go down.
 
Really, this guy is well-detailed, but the sculpt isn't favored by the colors they chose. Though that flesh tone is REALLY gross- it's obviously a mix of paints on mine, so it isn't really just one color, making it look very lifelike, but it's so thick that it looks shiny and ooze-y. Really compliments the gross figure.
 
He's got an "82A" on his left boot, along with the peg-hole, and copywright information on the left.
 
Colors: Five. His body is a plain grey, while his armor is painted a bright orange. His neck, beak and bald patch are all a thick, fleshy pink. His eyes are a dark blue, and his armor has two light green (almost neon) circles on the front.
Armor: Condorassin has a pretty simple set of armor themed around big, swooping shapes. His front has some swooping lines, and his codpiece has a trio of "tiers" following the contours of the armor. On his sides are pouch-looking stretches of raised boxes in a "U-shape", swooping from the Chest Marble to his wings. His shoulder pads arer actually VERY large, featuring long, swooping pointed bits aimed straight down, in a shape resembling a Greek Hoplite's horsehair "mohawk". There's a large indent following the same shape, with a raised line in the middle- where the pad meets the shoulder is a neon green circle, with another circle and a "sprocket" shape around it. His wrist-guards are plain and round, with a stack of four boxy shapes raised on the front, and little "dorsal fins" on the outer edge. 
 
His back is pretty plain, but has a large box with four lines etched into it above the marble-hole, and a really prominent, swooping tail-shape, with five ribbed "feathers" made up on the armor. His boots are actually the most detailed bit, sporting big round kneepads, digitigrade (bent/crooked) feet swooping back and then lunging forward, bit circles at the joints, pointed "heels" aiming backwards, three ribbed lines on the calves, and unusual toes- two in front, one in back- all spiked and mechanical-looking.
 
Weapon: His gun is... odd. It has an odd little face at the end of it, with a mouth that's rather too blunt to be bird-like. Aside from some "wings" etched into the side, it doesn't look very bird-like.
Hands & Feet: Very plain "mitten" hands, with an indent halfway across the top of the fingers.
Easily-Broken Bits: The pink paint appears to be a mixture of some kind, so is inconsistently painted in a way that actually makes it more lifelike. Other than that, some pointy bits would likely experience some wear.
 
Do I Have One?: Yep- forget where I bought him from, but I got him. Rather a completionist thing, as I didn't even like the Beast, lol.
 
Overall Score: 5/10 (this is tough- he doesn't display well on the table. He looks more "gross" than cool, and his color scheme sucks. But the facial details impressed me, and I like the consistent "swooping shapes" theme of the armor- going to nearly all of his bits having a curved shape on them. So I really can't fail him)

Edited by Jabroniville, 13 March 2019 - 02:07 AM.

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#182 ZebraLegion

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Posted 13 March 2019 - 04:14 AM

I just got one of these a week or so ago in a big laser lot.  So weird looking.

 

My computer must have some tinting/brightness issue because it always looked to me that the Condorassian looked like a scrunched up old mans face.  The darker portion of the head where the eyes are never jumped out to me.

 

I totally agree that is a gross figure, but I appreciate it so much more having it in hand.

 

I'm glad these continued!  Still look forward to reading and getting some interesting info!!  The sloth pooping once a week and being most vulnerable at that time is still my favorite.  I also like the bit about having a bald head to decaying meat doesn't stick to it. 

 

Keep it up!


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#183 Rubberhammer

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Posted 13 March 2019 - 12:42 PM

As a kid we always called this guy the Turkey Buzzard, as that is the way the old timers around here refer to all the vultures.

Going for the butthole to gain access to the internals is common, as it is the easiest access to the internals, although from what I have witnessed they usually eat the eyes first and then go to the other end.
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#184 Jabroniville

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Posted 17 March 2019 - 05:36 AM

Glad you guys like that I'm continuing :). And that people dig the random animal tidbits- I'll try to come up with more of them!


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#185 Jabroniville

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Posted 18 March 2019 - 10:04 PM

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#78: SPARK SHARK
 
Animal Basis: 
 
Sketchbook_of_fishes_-_25._%28Longnose%2
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-I actually figured this guy for a Sawfish ever since I saw him, but on closer inspection, he is definitely NOT. He is, in fact, a SAWSHARK. While Sawfish are rays that look almost exactly like sharks, they sport gills on their undersides, and plain upper bodies. Spark Shark possesses gills on the TOP half of his head, and sports the distinctive, catfish-like barbels at the sides of the rostrum like a sawshark does. Closer research reveals that there is a Japanese Sawshark living in the Sea of Japan that would likely be known to Japanese developers as well. The barbels on this guy are small, but you can definitely make them out.
 
Sawsharks are a very small variety of shark, and they sport extended rostrums (the bill/nose thing) with numerous sharp teeth sticking out at the edges, which they use to slash and disable their prey. There are eight different species, the largest of which is about 4'6" long (by contrast, the much more impressive Sawfish can hit up to 26 feet!). Their teeth alternate between large and small, creating a "saw-like" impression. Barbels spring back from the middle of the nose. Much longer than is usual for fish, these barbels are sensory organs that house the taste buds, allowing the creatures to search for fish in murky water. Like most sharks, Sawsharks can detect the electrical fields of their prey.
 
Nearly all varieties of Sawsharks are critically endangered, being used for shark fin soup (a very wasteful way to show off the wealth of the host; it doesn't taste good, but is extremely expensive) and other things typicial of Asian medicine.
 
Toy Description: Spark Shark is one of the cooler aquatic Beasts out there, taking an interesting-looking creature and making a good "big brother" figure to Sawtooth Shark (ironically, not a Sawshark, while this one is). His coloring is terrific, his armor is really bright and eye-popping (with a great red "V" shape), and his nose gives him a distinctive silhouette and look.
 
His body is rather plain, but his armor is great, and his head is TERRIFIC- it's even easy to see what kind of animal he is- I wasn't sure if he was a Sawfish or Sawshark until I saw that they did, in fact, include long barbels- subtle lines that swoop down from the middle of his nose and fold into his armor. Spark Shark has the longest nose in the entire line, I think, sticking out in a triangular fashion, with four bumps on each side indicating the trademark teeth, as well as sporting the typical "tightly-closed mouth" of a smaller shark. There's a lot of wrinkles around his eyes, and even his dorsal fin is well-detailed, sporting six little lines etched into the fin on each side, and a crooked backfin. Three tiny gill slits are behind his eyes (Sawsharks typically have 5-6). 
 
He has a "78A" on his left boot, along with the peg-hole, and the copywrite info on the other foot.
 
Colors: Four. His body is the rich, light brown of the Antelope and a few other Beasts, while his armor is a great dark green that really stands out. His eyes and a "V" on his armor are red, while his Secondary Color (on his boots) is yellow.
Armor: Spark Shark has a very "aquatic"-looking set of armor, with a high collar and a big "V" shape to the torso. Long, swooping lines in a "U" shape are under his arms, going from front to back, creating four distinct ridges. Little trapezoids are lifted out of the corners, while a very large, obvious "V" is created from red- two large diagonal collar pieces surround his head, with large vents in the front and ending in triangular bits leading to his back-hole. The "V" is ended by a little bit at the botom of his Chest Marble. His back-hole has a rectangle in relief just above it.
 
His shoulder pads are almost complete spheres, with raised circles on the front & back, and little paired divots on the sides. His wrist-guards are completely round, with raised circles on the front, and large fins with three lines etched into them, making triangles that swoop a bit upwards. Lines bisect them on front & back. His boots are large and flat, with a lot of organic, round shapes- his kneepads are three large, rounded bits encircling each other (with the central one yellow), with an odd shape pointing down towards the boot, also painted yellow. The boots swing back a bit, almost resembling hooves of a digitigrade creature, and sport some odd shapes on the side, also etched with lines.
 
Weapon: His gun looks pretty typical, but ends with triangular sawblades on the top, and has fish fins on the sides and ends in the shark's tailfin.
Hands & Feet: Very plain "mitten" hands, with an indent halfway across the top of the fingers.
Easily-Broken Bits: None, though I'd imagine well-played-with ones have the noses rubbed flat.
 
Do I Have One?: Yep- forget where I bought him from, but I got him.
 
Overall Score: 8.5/10 (A really cool outline, a distinctive face, and one of my favorite bits of armor for a Beast, really. One of the best color schemes of the Laser Beasts)
 

 


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#186 Jabroniville

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Posted Yesterday, 10:20 PM

I'm probably nerding out excessively hard over finding out the exact species of some of these guys, but actually nailing down specific types for both Condorassin and Spark Shark was like, super-exciting for me :). Zariganian, Samu and most of the others are a little more on the nose, unfortunately.


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