143 replies to this topic

[Sniper33]

Well here is the place where people can contribute/read jokes that they made up, or heard. This can be a easy way to bring happiness to a downed person. But try to keep it clean, and no attacking other users.

[Sniper33]

DAGNABIT!! I missspelled Corner.

Hey johnny, do you think that you would be able to fix that?

[smackman]

Three men were walking through the desert, when one of them stumbles over a lamp. He picks it up and starts rubbing it with his sleeve to get all the sand off, when all of a sudden......POOF! A 20 foot tall magic geinie appeared right out of thin air. The three men just stand there with their mouths open, wondering what will happen next. "I am the geinie of the lamp it is my duty to grant you each one wish. In the sands below me are three rooms, each of you will be placed in one of these rooms for a thousand years with any 1 thing you wish to fill it with"said the geinie. The men were so excited, they wanted their wish right away.

The first man said to the geinie" I want to be in a room filled with beautiful women. "GRANTED!"replied the geinie, and in a puff of smoke he was gone.

The second man said to the geinie"I want to be in a room filled with bottles of wine."GRANTED!"replied the geinie, and in a puff of smoke he was gone.

The third man said to the geinie" I want to be in a room filled with fine cuban cigars."GRANTED!"replied the geinie, and in a puff of smoke he was gone.


1000 years past and the geinie decided to see how the three men were doing.

He asked the first man"Did you enjoy your wish?" "OF COURSE I DID!" said the first man, "I was in a room filled with beautiful women, who would'nt enjoy that!" "Good, I am pleased" said the geinie.

He asked the second man"Did you enjoy your wish?"I luhved iht, thaht wahs great *hic* said the second man. "I LOOVE YOU GEINE MAN!" "Good, I am pleased" said the geinie.

He then asked the third man" Well did you enjoy your wish, how were the cigars?" The third man then replied.........I don't know,I did'nt have a lighter.

[Imp]

I would have wished for a room with doors to other countries.

[fuzzbuster]

A pirate walks into a tavern wearing a ship's steering wheel on the front of his pants. He makes his way across the room and somehow manages to seat himself at the bar.
The bartender looks at him and says," Hey, you have a huge steering wheel stuck to the front of your pants!"
The pirate responds," Arrrr, I know, and it's drivin' me nuts!"





(the sound of crickets chirping)

[gojiman]

Here's my favorite joke. (no one else seems to like it though)


A baby seal walks into a club............

[kinder muscle]

sound of crickets chirping

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that was way better then the joke ha ha ha ha h a ha a ha ha ha well heres minea preist a rabbi and a monk walk in to a bar the bartender pulls out a shotgun says I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE shots the preist rabbi and monk then himself then a blone a brunete and a redhead walk in and say is this a joke??????






i know its a sad joke and it sucks arse

[jkaris]

a preist a rabbi and a monk walk in to a bar the bartender pulls out a shotgun says I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE shots the preist rabbi and monk then himself then a blone a brunete and a redhead walk in and say is this a joke??????

I uh, don't get it.

By the way, SOME punctuation is helpful. You don't have to write like a 6th grade English teacher, but using capitals, commas and periods, help to convey your message better.

[AmoiMan]

Here's my favorite joke. (no one else seems to like it though)


A baby seal walks into a club............

I like that joke....I mean, after all, it's just a joke.

[kinder muscle]

by the way, SOME punctuation is helpful. You don't have to write like a 6th grade English teacher, but using capitals, commas and periods, help to convey your message better.

sorry

[max powerz]

A baby seal walks into a club............

Why thats great. Especially if your an Eskimo Bob fan. Now this is funny and its a true comercial. You know depends, well they have "re-ajdstable underwear". I cant get over that name. Re-adjustable underwear. Damn so a diaper is sooo not P.C. now.whats this world coming to?

[kinder muscle]

now THAT was funny.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i took that as meen but it might not be

[Imp]

My Dad sent me this one tonight...

News in PHYSICS - New Element discovered

    A major research institution recently announced the discovery
    of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element
    tentatively has been named "Corporatium". Corporatium has 1
    neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111
    assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by a force called
    morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
    particles called peons. Since Corporatium has no electrons, it
    is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every
    reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of
    Corporatium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to
    complete when it would normally take less than a second.

    Corporatium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not
    decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a
    portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and
    assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
    Corporatium's mass will actually increase over time, since
    each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons
    forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads
    some scientists to speculate that Corporatium is formed
    whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

    This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
    Morass."

    You will know it when you see it...
                                           

[mimoman]

I've heard it before, but the Pirate joke will never die. It's so hilarious and dumb at the same time, especially if you add the Simpsons-like pirate accent.

-mimoman

[Wraith]

there are 3 kids, 3 parachutes, a doctor, a lawyer, and a preist on a plane. tha plane hits something and it spirlaing towards the earth, the doctor says, "Let the children take the parachutes, their bodies are lighter and can cope better with stress, they have a better chance to survive", the lawyer says, "EFF THE KIDS!", the preist says, "Are you sure we have enough time?"



*rimshot*

(not to be confusd with "rimjob")

[Sniper33]

Wraith: that is one of the best....the other being "A baby seal walks into a club............".

[Wraith]

i like that one, i have also always liked "a man walks into a bar and says 'OUCH!!!'"





get it? like a metal bar? uhm.. yeah..... nevermind

[Krangala]

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They superglued doorknobs to the walls.......

[ironmask]

a rabbi and a priest are walking down the street one day, when the priest spots an 8 year old boy on the other side. he turns to the rabbi, and says "we oughta try to eff him!!!"
the rabbi says, "out of what?"

[ironmask]

why did hellen keller's dog run away?

you'd run away too, if your name was "nyuuuh!"

(you have to make the most pinheaded face you can while saying the punchline...)

[arforbes]

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the amazing Claude was the headliner. People came from all over to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude took the stage, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique watch from his pocket. "I want each of you to keep an eye on this watch. It's a very special watch. It has been in my family for 6 generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off it's polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

crap! said the hypnotist

It took 3 weeks to clean up the theater.

[TheOrgg]

Did ya'll hear about the Dyslexic who walked into a Bra?

[TheOrgg]

ARRGH! I killed it!


Noooo!


I feel like the dyslexic that sold his soul to Santa.