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Battle Beasts- Full Descriptions & Notes


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#201 Jabroniville

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Posted 11 June 2019 - 11:27 PM

104JeererMonk1a.jpg
 
#104: JEERER MONKEY
 
Animal Basis:
 
1280px-Proboscis_monkey_%28Nasalis_larva
 
-The fat nose of this guy indicates that he is a Proboscis Monkey, famous for such a feature. Called "Dutch Monkeys" by the natives of Indonesia (who thought the Dutch colonists had fat bellies and huge noses, just like these guys), they are the largest monkey species endemic to Asia. The famous nose is known mostly to the males (as a sign of virility), who are also twice the size of females. One male rules a group of many females, as is usual for primates, with the rest being all-male groups. Proboscis Monkeys hail from the three nations of Borneo- Indonesia, Brunei & Malaysia, mostly sticking to rivers- making it among the most aquatic of primates.
 
Toy Description: Hahaha, oh GEEZ, this is a monstrosity. One of the two ugliest Laser Beasts, Jeerer Monkey is the cheapest of the "late release" LBs, owing to... well, he's UGLY. Like, LOOK AT THIS! Big, wide head. Dumb expression. Super-phallic bulbous nose. A hand that looks like... whatever the hell that thing is. The weird mustard yellow color scheme. It's almost impossibly bad, especially for a line that usually excelled so much. Even the detailed armor can't save it! Like... he's wearing SHORTS! And what the hell is with his hand? What IS that? 
 
His face is at least a little detailed- a pronounced, long mouth, with a nose that juts out straight forward and is quite rounded and bulbous. There are some wrinkles at the side of his mouth, and the fur on the top of his head appears to have raised portions near the top of his face.
 
Colors: Six. His fur is a dull, mustard yellow, and he has a pink face. His eyes are red, while his armor is dark brown with dark green highlights. And, unusually, he has a SIXTH color- a yellow rim around his Chest Marble! So there IS another guy with six colors in the line!
Armor: Jeerer Monkey has a somewhat detailed set of dark brown armor, sitting in two pieces. The chest sports a trio of small green lights on each side, surrounded by raised edges. His shoulder pads are two-tiered, with very squared-off levels. His codpiece is very boxy, with three vents on each side of a rectangular piece over the crotch. Unusually, he has "shorts"- boxy and sporting vents on the front and raised "rims" going around the bottoms. His feet wear little "anklets" consisting of a single wireframe with little rectangular boxes up front. His right arm has a tiny little wristband, while his "Weird Hand" has a very long wristguard, a joint/notch in the center, and four unusual phalanges sticking out in a splayed-out fashion- these are segmented and come to points. There is also a little green light on the top of his head.
 
Weapon: His gun is a golden, humanesque head with three spikes on the back (resembling his Weird Hand's phalanges), and a gun oddly sticking out of the front of its face. It's very weird.
Hands & Feet: One small mitten hand, and one odd piece of metal that looks like an alien, mechanical "hand", albeit with fingers of equal size. His feet leave all four toes (complete with blunt nails) exposed.
Easily-Broken Bits: Probably the wings. Good like keeping the paint on the tips of his knees, too.
 
Do I Have One?: Nope.
 
Overall Score: 4/10 (very detailed armor, but REALLY ugly and with a "WTF?" inexplicable weird hand)

Edited by Jabroniville, 11 June 2019 - 11:28 PM.

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#202 ZebraLegion

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Posted 12 June 2019 - 09:51 AM

Agreed.  This dude is hideous.  

 

I actually like his gun.  I don't understand the spikes that match his weird hand, though.

 

4/10 seems generous! I'm going to go back through the thread and see who has the lowest score.  I can't remember anyone lower than 4/10.


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#203 ZebraLegion

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Posted 12 June 2019 - 10:11 AM

Here's the list so far of your favorite and least favorite just because:

 

Lowest Rating

3/10 Danger Dog (Agree he's pretty boring and I love dogs)

3/10 Tarsier Tyrant (Disagree.  I love this weirdo.  I'd give him like 8.5/10)

3.5/10 Ground Wolf (Agree.  A wolf could be great and this was a letdown)

4/10 Jeerer Monkey (Agree.  I might give him a 2.5/10)

4/10 Ossified Orangutan (Disagree.  Loved him as a kid.  Reminded me of the gorilla that used a special glove (?) in the movie Congo. 9/10)

4/10 Bludgeonly Bulldog (Disagree.  Not spectacular but solid.  7.5/10)

4/10 Grizzly Bear (Disagree.  He is a pretty boring sculpt but he was part of my small army that my brothers gave me so I loved him. 7/10)

 

Highest Rating

10/10 Zariganian (Agree.  He's pretty cool. 9/10)

10/10 Bloodthirsty Bison (Disagree.  Never had him as a kid and he just doesn't do it for me. 5/10)

10/10 War Weasel (Agree.  Legend.)

10/10 Slasher Seahorse (Agree.  I wouldn't give him a 10 but he's great 9/10)

10/10 Black Panther (Agree.  He's amazing.)

10/10 Cutthroat Cuttlefish (Disagree.  Never liked him or the Octopus at all 4/10)

 

I can update this once you finish all 112! Are you going to do the Clear Carp, Gator, and Stone Cobra?  Any of the customs?

 

What will we do when this is overrrrrrrrr?  :(


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#204 Jabroniville

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Posted 13 June 2019 - 02:57 AM

Here's the list so far of your favorite and least favorite just because:

 

Lowest Rating

3/10 Danger Dog (Agree he's pretty boring and I love dogs)

3/10 Tarsier Tyrant (Disagree.  I love this weirdo.  I'd give him like 8.5/10)

3.5/10 Ground Wolf (Agree.  A wolf could be great and this was a letdown)

4/10 Jeerer Monkey (Agree.  I might give him a 2.5/10)

4/10 Ossified Orangutan (Disagree.  Loved him as a kid.  Reminded me of the gorilla that used a special glove (?) in the movie Congo. 9/10)

4/10 Bludgeonly Bulldog (Disagree.  Not spectacular but solid.  7.5/10)

4/10 Grizzly Bear (Disagree.  He is a pretty boring sculpt but he was part of my small army that my brothers gave me so I loved him. 7/10)

 

Highest Rating

10/10 Zariganian (Agree.  He's pretty cool. 9/10)

10/10 Bloodthirsty Bison (Disagree.  Never had him as a kid and he just doesn't do it for me. 5/10)

10/10 War Weasel (Agree.  Legend.)

10/10 Slasher Seahorse (Agree.  I wouldn't give him a 10 but he's great 9/10)

10/10 Black Panther (Agree.  He's amazing.)

10/10 Cutthroat Cuttlefish (Disagree.  Never liked him or the Octopus at all 4/10)

 

I can update this once you finish all 112! Are you going to do the Clear Carp, Gator, and Stone Cobra?  Any of the customs?

 

What will we do when this is overrrrrrrrr?  :(

Hey, neat! Thanks for assessing them :)

I would go lower with Jeerer Monkey, but it's clear the armor and his Weird Hand ARE really detailed. It's all that saved him from like a 2 or a 3. He annoys me by sucking so bad- he's a LATE NUMBER LASER BEAST!!! The guys around him are Dragons and T-Rexes and junk. 

Haha, I'm really tortured by the notion of completing this list, almost, because this forum is SO QUIET, even with my notes. It's been about three topics updated in the past YEAR AND A HALF. Again, I'm upset that I discovered this forum so late- I feel like all the big conversations have already happened. So like... if I finish my notes, will I forget to even visit here for months at a time? There's a FB page or two, but it's mostly Buy & Sell stuff. 

I might make some notes on the clear guys, but they're not really unique figures. Customs might be fun (I have Green Mountain's Ankylosaurus!). But I'm still like 20 names off from being DONE.


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#205 ZebraLegion

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Posted 13 June 2019 - 06:52 AM

I hear you.

 

We were a little late to the game when this board was popping.

 

Plus if we could've gotten interested in BB years earlier think of all the money we could've saved! 

 

Prices seem to have jumped since the beginning of the year.  There is one lunatic selling complete series 1 beasts for $40.  Recently he added beasts with broken weapons for $40.  Nobody will buy them. But some beasts without weapons are selling for $15 for common ones.  

 

I look forward to the next installment!  Let's cherish the last few and hope something new gets people excited again on here.


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#206 Jabroniville

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Posted 15 June 2019 - 12:43 AM

 
106MonkeyFight1a.jpg
 
#106: MONKEY-FIGHTER
 
Animal Basis: 

capuchin-monkey_1-S.jpg
 
-It's... hard to tell. He's probably a monkey, given the name, but his features are so generic that he could be ANY species. A flat face, short muzzle, pointed canines, big ears... lots of stuff looks like that. Could be a Capuchin or a Howler Monkey or whatever.

The Capuchin is a pretty famous iconic monkey, used as an Organ Grinder sidekick in stereotypes of old, trashy New York for a long time. Y The Last Man, a pretty good comic (though the ending sucks the life out of you like nothing else), uses one as Yorick's eternal sidekick and "pretty sh*tty pet", though in real life, they're very intelligent, and are able to help paraplegics and others in need. They live pretty much like lions, with a male ruling a large group of females with whom he mates, but rival males are a constant threat, and like most mammals, they will kill the infants of the predecessor to ensure the females reach estrus quicker.

 

Toy Description: What in the name of GOD is THIS atrocity supposed to be?!? Monkey-Fighter has unquestionably the WORST face in the entire Beast line- the equivalent of that cartoon face the lady sketched on Jesus in that painting. This is like something designed by somebody who has no idea how art works, but somehow got a job at Hasbro in the 1980s. It doesn't help that even the image on the STA toy site is HORRIBLY painted, with splotches all over the sides of the face.
 
Monkey-Fighter has long arms, mitten-like hands, a weird scale-pattern all over his body... which I guess is actually the undershirt of a NINJA, given his headband also indicates ninja-stuff. And the ugliest face in Beasts history.I... I can't imagine what they were thinking when they came up with him. "Um... what's with his face?" "Umm... we needed 112, okay?"
 
Overall, yeah, I guess he's supposed to be a ninja. I didn't quite notice it until I REALLY looked at what all his bits were. They typically have those headband symbol things- called "headband protectors" and being common in anime and video games (Naruto in particular uses them to hold symbols for the various Ninja clans). The "mail" armor over his body seems to indicate protection, and his armor is actually padding.
 
Colors: Five. His "skin" is dark grey, and he has a blotchy, pale, pink-ish face. His eyes are red, and his armor is dark green. His secondary color (Marble Ring, four armor bits, his headband) are all a dull, mustard yellow.
Armor: Monkey Fighter has a very simple set of armor, resembling that of a ninja, with padding instead of real ARMORY bits, y'know? His chest apepars to have a vest (with an open chest). His shoulder pads are very light and don't stick out much, and he has two smaller pads on the sides of his arms, along with small wristbands. I can't make out much of his codpiece (it has two short lines etched into the front), and his "shorts" are basically long green pants with round kneepads (with diamond shapes etched into the tips), and a "rim" around the bottoms. He also has anklets and a head covering, which has a yellow headband wrapped around the front, with a large forehead protector. The symbol looks... like an "R", and I'm not going to go through an entire list of Japanese kanji just to find that, lol. His chest straps have four little yellow bits that are probably supposed to be shuriken.
 
Weapon: His gun is a golden,... non head-like thing. The gun tip is short, and sticks out of what kind of looks like a helmet with side-vents. 
Hands & Feet: Two mitten hands. His feet are exposxed, showing four long toes each.
Easily-Broken Bits: None, though he appears to be HORRIBLY painted.
 
Do I Have One?: Nope. You'd have to pay ME to have one.
 
Overall Score: 2/10 (good heavens, he's just hideous. Talk about a failure of design)

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#207 ZebraLegion

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Posted 17 June 2019 - 04:19 AM

Can't argue with that.  He's the worst of the entire line.

 

A new leader for least favorite- the only beast so far to get 2/10.


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#208 Exactobeast

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Posted 17 June 2019 - 10:43 AM

jeerer can't help that he was born that way.  The better to smell you!!!!! :D


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#209 Jabroniville

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Posted 22 June 2019 - 02:47 AM

99Mantfrenzy1a.jpg
 
#99: MANTFRENZY
 
Animal Basis: 
 

olivebaboon2-L.jpg
 
Though the name indicates a Mandrill, this guy more strongly resembles a Baboon. You can tell because he has huge tufts of hair (Mandrills keep theirs straight and short), and a more elongated muzzle, instead of a Mandrill's shorter, multicolored one. An equally-fierce primate, Babboons pop up around Africa in a few different species (the Olive is the biggest, being Mandrill-sized), and can be very dangerous to smaller animals. In groups, they will commonly charge LEOPARDS, as the cats will kill individuals they find (a large monkey like this is dangerous, but definitely no match for a big cat by itself).
 
The largest baboons can hit 88 lbs., which makes them QUITE fearsome as a threat, given that they have extremely long, sharp canine teeth. Like most primates, they live in harems, though lower-class males can still mate with plenty of females. In captivity, they can live up to 45 years (about 30 in the wild). 
 
Toy Description: Completing our Monkey Trio is... wait... a COOL ONE? Oh thank goodness; they're not ALL trash. Mantfrenzy actually looks very generic for the Laser Beasts, but the baseline Beast concept is so good that generic usually WORKS. He actually has a really solid look and color scheme, being an albino-looking baboon.
 
Mantfrenzy has a long muzzle with a simian nose (flat and broad, with large nostrils), a pronounced frown, two lines running from his nose to his eyes, and a furrowed, prominent brow. Quite the nice expression, all in all. He's one of the only Beasts with an actual HAIRSTYLE, sporting long, flowing hair sprouting up and to the sides, running down to his shoulders.
 
His beige and white body contrast really well with the dark blue armor, which has some nice details. It's a good figure, altogether.
 
Colors: Five. His main fur is a darker, grey-ish beige. His face is a fleshy, pasty white. His eyes are dark red, and his armor dark blue, with yellow highlights on the chest.
Armor: Mantfrenzy has a pretty simple one piece set of armor, with a "ribbed" theme throughout. The shoulder pads, wristguards, and codpiece all have three rounded "ribs" encircling them- the should pads having lines breaking up the ribs on the outside, while the wrists have them on the inside. The front of the armor is flat (chest and codpiece), while there are six square, yellow "lights" above the Chest Marble, running diagonally to just under the shoulders. 
 
His boots fully encompass his legs below the knees, featuring very round boots and almost spherical kneepads (with a round bit on each side). 
 
Weapon: His gun is a silver rifle with a baboon-like "mane" on the very back. The gun barrel has three parts connecting it to the gun tip, for some reason.
Hands & Feet: Two mitten hands. His feet are hidden in the boots.
Easily-Broken Bits: None, though expect most very light figures in dark armor to have some very prominent weathering.
 
Do I Have One?: Nope.
 
Overall Score: 7/10 (actually very solid, if a bit generic)

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#210 Jabroniville

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Posted 28 June 2019 - 11:28 PM

101SkullGrot1a.jpg
 
#101: SKULL GROTESS
 
Animal Basis:
 
In an incredibly unusual move, meet the ONLY Beast in the entire line to be based off of a fictional creature! Skull Grotess is based off of a European-style Dragon, sporting large horns, batlike wings, and a reptilian complexion. It's super-strange to see them suddenly dump in a made-up animal alongside all these others, because it makes you wonder why there's so many monkeys and dogs if they intended to throw in stuff like this. Why not a unicorn, sphinx, griffin or chimera? THAT would have been sweet!
 
Dragons are of course part of European myth for centuries, with the Ancient Greeks going on about them. They're likely based off of various Serpent Myths (like the Egyptian God Set, who devours the sun every night), conflated with the Rule of Cool of adding WINGS to everything. They differ from Asian Dragons by way of being fire-breathing, evil, usually unintelligent monsters, whereas Asian Dragons are quite benevolent, serpentine, and more water-themed.
 
Toy Description: Skull Grotess is one of the big legends of the Laser Beasts- our only fictional creature, and a COOL-LOOKING one at that! He has a mottled, lizard-like complexion, green skin, cool yellow armor, wings like a bat, and even horns- an impressive silhouette and some good details. His head is very reptilian, with a very long forhead, sprouting off two bone-colored horns (which swoop out, then inwards, then out again at the tip). His mouth has some small, pointed teeth (not colored), and his nose is a big Asian-esque, being fairly dog-like. His wings have three phalanges that I can see, and have "fingernail" points on the peaks. His skin has a lot of rounded scales on the head and legs, though the arms look plain.
 
It's a lot of great details, and probably makes him the most expensive Non-Rarity of the line. EVERYONE wants a Skull Grotess.
 
Colors: Five. His skin is a darker green, and his horns are bone-colored. His armor is a dull yellow, with red for his eyes and Secondary Colors. His wings appear to be a darker yellow than his armor, but that may just be the photo.
Armor: Skull Grotess has a simple one-piece set of armor that nontheless looks really great, as it's angular and boxy on top, and rounded at the boots. The armor has a generic codpiece, but the Chest Marble is surrounded by two large, red lights on the left, and two sets of four stacked lights on the right. His shoulder pads are angled outwards and have little yellow raised circles on them, and three vertical lines below those. His wrist-guards are very detailed, with four sides inset by corners, and a rim around the side closest to the elbow. Contrasting his upper half are the boots, which are VERY rounded and organic-looking- essentially big curvy boots with giant circles on the sides and a longer cylinder-shaped bulge on the front- all inset with raised lines and squares, making them look very cool and detailed. His feet are armored as well, but come to three pointed toes, lined along the joints.
 
Weapon: His gun is a golden rifle with an extremely long, evil-looking dragon's head, lined with sharp teeth, and having horns pointing all the way back. A tiny rifle tip sticks out of the nose. Thing looks AWESOME.
Hands & Feet: Two mitten hands(with "fingernail lines" across the tips). His feet are hidden in the boots.
Easily-Broken Bits: The horns are probably prone to TONS of weathering, and he's also got wings- super likely to get torn off through rough play.
 
Do I Have One?: Nope. Want one sooooooooooooo bad.
 
Overall Score: 10/10 (You have to ask? This dude looks SO frickin' cool.)

Edited by Jabroniville, 04 July 2019 - 02:53 AM.

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#211 ZebraLegion

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Posted 01 July 2019 - 05:45 AM

Yup.  He's pretty freakin awesome.

 

I might have to save for several months for him.

 

Totally agree with you about so many similar animals and then they throw in a DRAGON.  


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#212 Jabroniville

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Posted 08 July 2019 - 03:01 AM

90Grencats1a.jpg
 
#90: GRENCATS
 
Animal Basis:
 

264-XL.jpg
6995b7f98f25697eeb6ddd7a98aa9d76-L.jpg
 
-Grencats's tiny mouth and pointed ears mark him as what is mostly likely the only housecat in the line of Battle Beasts.
 
-Cats are the most common pet animal in the world, and rival the Dog for popularity in the United States (the ease of taking care of them is making them more numerous by the day). They lend themselves well to modern-living, they can live just fine in apartments, and can be left to themselves without temper or play issues (the same cannot be said of most dog breeds- also, cats don't bark). Plus, they bury their own poop and pee. Seriously, I love cats (not a dog person at all), as even their bad traits (such as the evil) are rather cute and amusing. I mean, a violent, snapping kitty is kind of funny as long as it doesn't scratch you- an angry dog will get you booted from your apartment building. They're domesticated from the Wildcat, likely from a VERY small gene pool originally, and have quickly modified into different breeds, most of which are far more similar to each other compared to the wierdly-variable Dogs (most Cats generally just look like Cats, though Persians have weirdly-flat faces).
 
-Cats are also much better hunters than domesticated dogs (they go completely feral within a few generations, and have always been excellent hunters of small animals), and can survive just fine in the wilderness, but are frequently victimized by Coyotes (think about THAT next time you abandon an unwanted pet to a random farm).
 
Toy Description: Sporting the greatest name in the entire line, bar none, Grencats actually looks really cool- his light blue armor plays off well against his light beige coloring, and his big, bright eyes add a cuteness factor to a heavily-armed, armored-up powerhouse. He has a lot of detailing, including fur on all his limbs (many LBs have bare arms), a Weird Hand, and fur on his face, right down to the distinctive pattern of a tabby cat on the top of his head from the looks of the pics I've seen. He has a tiny little nose and a small muzzle made up of whiskered cheeks and a little nub of a chin. His ears are small and pointed, and his eyes are very large. I really like the use of primary colors, here- nothing fance, just blue, red & yellow.
 
Colors: Four. His base color is a light beige-ish coloring. His armor and eyes are a very light blue. His Secondary Colors are both yellow (big markings, claws) and dark red (chest hilights).
Armor: Grencats has a simple one-piece suit of armor, with a rounded portion on the codpiece and a little raised "button" on the crotch, and a rectangular raised portion above the Chest Marble. Two red boxes are on both sides, near the shoulders, sporting four little "lights". His shoulder pads are fairly small compared to the rest of the line, with flat, simple shapes- a curved rim surrounding a yellow top, with little "rivets" on the front, back and sides. His right wrist is utterly plain except for a raised circle in the middle of the front, and a yellow guard for the back of the hand. The left wrist has a Weird Hand, with a TON of little rasied, rounded bits all over it (making it look like a machine, actually), and three large yellow claws sticking out of it. His boots don't have a lot of detail, just being smooth boots with rounded toe-tips (raised squares on the tops). His kneepads are boxy, with forward-facing vents on the front, and a half-sphere on each side of the pad.
 
Weapon: Gus silver gun looks very much like a generic gun, except for a tiny kitty head on the top, at the end of a tube thing.
Hands & Feet: One mitten hand with a line indicating finger and thumbnails, and a very large, mechanical blue box with three yellow claws.
Easily-Broken Bits: None, but I think he's made of blue plastic with white paint, so even light play is going to reveal some blue coloring underneath his white exterior paint.
 
Do I Have One?: Nope. 
 
Overall Score: 8.5/10 (One of the best Laser Beasts)

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#213 Exactobeast

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Posted 14 July 2019 - 12:58 PM

cute, with claws!


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