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[Meat's fan]

Note: This fanfic is made by me and Soupie

Chapter 1 Father

It was in the middle of the night; Kid Muscle was lying on his bed dreaming about Roxanne while drooling at the same time. Meat, on the other hand, can’t even sleep. Even though he was happy that Kid actually defeated No Respect and lit the Lantern of Soul, he was still sad.

Why?

Because of his father, Alexandria Minch. He didn’t know that old man in front of him, the man that liked candy apples, the man that……that…….that Bone Cold killed! Meat started to cry. He clenched his fists tight as his rage for Bone Cold grew but it couldn't be helped. His father was dead.

Dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

“Dead!” Meat yelled really loud. He covered his mouth with his hands. But somehow it didn’t wake up Kid. “He really is like his father”, Meat said. He just remembered that Bone Cold’s father is Skullduggery.

‘Skullduggery always causes trouble for me and Suguru many years ago.’ Meat thought, ‘But he’s not much of a threat for us though. But he’s son is the total opposite of him. Strong, Powerful, Cruel, there are lots of words that describe him.But getting angry and crying at the same time, it won’t change a thing. It won’t………………’

“It won’t”, he said.

He lay back down to his bed and tried to go to sleep.

The next day, Kid woke up from his dream of being almost engulfed by a Beef Bowl. His stomach rumbles and goes to the kitchen to ask Meat if breakfast was ready. But he tripped. When he turned back, he saw Meat still sleeping. He shook Meat lots of times yelling at him, “MEAT! WAKE UP!!!” Meat opened his eyes; he saw a blurry picture of a person, shaking him violently.He grabbed his glasses and wore them and he saw a man with a mask with a pig-like nose. Kid said, “Hey Meat, what’s for breakfast?” Meat asked while rubbing his eyes and yawning, “What time is it?’ Kid opens the TV showing the morning news and answered, “It’s 10 am” Meat was surprised, “10 am! I’m so sorry Kid. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll cook you your favourite dish today.”

Kid was excited and started to sing his song.

Meat yawned again and starts to cook. When breakfast was ready, Kid started to chow down. Meat was looking at his food. Then he felt his head becoming heavy. After Kid was finished with his breakfast, he said, “That Beef Bowl you made was delicious” He turned his head but saw Meat sleeping again. Kid continued, “He didn’t even start to eat. Oh well, It’s my chance to escape”, he tiptoed out of the house and ran away.

At the Hachiko Statue in Shibuya, Terry, Wally, and Dik Dik were there. Kid runs to them and said, “Hiya! Sorry I’m late” All four of them were walking to the streets. Of course looking for girls. Especially Kid Muscle. While looking Kid said to them, “Meat’s been acting strange lately. This morning he woke up very late and he fell asleep before eating. That’s the 5th time this week. And believe me I’m getting worried. Every time I asked him he would always change the topic.” Terry said, “Maybe it’s because your snore when you sleep.” Kid shouted, “Hey, I don’t snore! I think”

Back at Beverly Park, Meat was still face to face with his Beef Bowl. He slowly opens his eyes and realizing that he fell asleep again he rose again and looked for Kid.“He took my sleeping as his advantage to escape me, again” Meat said. He looked at the time and it’s now 3 pm.He sighed and continued, “Can’t blame him. I still can’t get my mind out of it.” He started to cry again. Remembering about Minch, made his heart sank deeply. Kid went home very late and saw Meat still crying in the table with his untouched Beef Bowl but covered with tears.

Kid Muscle becomes worried.

Edited by Meat's fan, 24 September 2008 - 02:02 PM.

[Dai Makai]

Well, this is interesting, but you're dropping down after every single sentence, which is clunky. Instead, drop down after the ideas set forth in the paragraph you're working on is complete.

Also when someone speak, write in the past tense, because those things had already happened.

[Meat's fan]

Well, this is interesting, but you're dropping down after every single sentence, which is clunky. Instead, drop down after the ideas set forth in the paragraph you're working on is complete.

Also when someone speak, write in the past tense, because those things had already happened.

thanks!

[Meat's fan]

Chapter 2: Turning the Frown Upside Down


The next day, the same thing happened again.

Kid went to Suminoe Kindergarten, he hopes that Roxanne will be there and he’ll ask her out. He peeked in the gate and saw Roxanne’s mom, Miss Marie. Miss Marie was sweeping in front of the school, she saw Kid and said, “Oh, Mantaro what are you doing here?”

Kid asked, “Um, Miss Marie where is Roxanne?”

Marie answered, “Oh, Roxanne went outside today. And Mantaro, should be training with Meat right now?”

Kid answered, “I’m not worried at all. He’s been acting weirdly and barely talks at all ever since I defeated No Respect. Well I better go and chase Roxanne. Bye.”

Kid left running.

Marie became worried.

At Beverly Park, Meat did the same thing again. The sad look on his face, the not-even-touched-covered-in-tears Beef Bowl, the messy house that looks like that it hasn’t been cleaned for many years, Meat really has synchronization right now.

There was a knock on the door…………...

Marie opened the door and looked at the house. The house was a complete mess! Then she saw a small guy sitting near a table with a Beef Bowl on the table.The small guy was in tears.

It was Meat!

Marie approached Meat and said, “Meat, are you okay?” But Meat didn’t answer. Marie kept on saying the same words but Meat didn’t even made a sound.

Then she shook him lots of times then………………

“Huh?” Meat finally woke up, “What the………….” He looks around the house, “Miss Marie, what are you doing here?” “It’s been a long time since I visited your house” Marie said. Meat smiles, then without a word he began to look at the Beef Bowl again. Marie became worried and said, “I better clean the house for you, then we can talk.”

In an instant, Marie picked up a broom and some rags and began to clean.

After an hour the whole house was sparkling clean.

She sat down near him and said, “What’s wrong Meat? You can tell me.” She put her hand to his shoulder. Meat said in a low voice, “Father……….” Marie asked, “What did you say?” Meat said again, “Father……………..Father…………………Father……………….”He started to cry, “Bone Cold killed my father!”

Meat’s eyes began to fill with tears.

Tears ran down from his eyes.

“I…didn’t know about it.” Meat spoke, “He…..he……he was beside me all this time and I didn’t even know it! Now that he’s gone, I……I……didn’t even get to know him. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him how many years I’ve been waiting to see him again. I didn’t even get a chance to………………………” Tears were falling from his face then he finished his sentence, “To tell him how much I loved him!!”

Meat began crying. Marie tried to comfort him, “It’s okay Meat. Stop crying now.” Meat said angrily while removing Marie’s hand from his shoulder, “How can that be okay! Can’t you see that mercenary killed my own father! I only got to know him when he was killed by Bone Cold! Why, why, why, why, WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................Why…………………………why……………………”

Tears were falling to the kotatsu. He dropped his head, he covered it using his arms and the sound of sadness filled the house. Marie didn’t know what to do. She never saw Meat like this. She has seen Meat cry lots of times, but never like this. Sad, Depressed, Hurt, she saw it all. She was worried. Then she stood up and said, “I’ll cook dinner for you. I’m sure you like a Beef Bowl, even though that’s Mantaro’s favourite dish. So stop being depressed like that and get ready.” She went straight to the kitchen and winked at Meat. Meat blushed of what he heard and saw. He started to smile. Marie was relived of the outcome. Then she began to cook.

That night, Kid returned back from chasing and being beaten up by Roxanne. When he was about to open the door, he heard voices. He peeked into the window and saw Marie and Meat together, next to each other, eating Beef Bowls, and laughing.Kid was happy to see his best friend smiling again, then he silently left Beverly Park.

At Suminoe Kindergarten, Kid knocks on the door. Kid has a plan.

Edited by Meat's fan, 24 September 2008 - 02:00 PM.

[Soupie]

As a celebration of UM characters, it's very nice.

I do like your writing style.

You need some work with your tenses.

There's a lot of inappropriate switching between the past and present.

It's a good start.

[Soupie]

And as with most fan fiction, you are simply telling: "They do this." and "He does that."

You need to create a narrative that describes the action. How do they do it?

Hm, I chalked that up to Meat's Fan being a female. Female's tend to focus on feelings rather than actions. I'd prefer action myself, but if Meat's Fan is having fun writing about feelings, than I respect that.

But Veers is correct. If your goal is entertain the reader -- as well as yourself -- adding some action to your future stories is a good idea.



(And, Veers, when do we get to read your fan fic, hm?)

[Soupie]

You have completely misunderstood the point. Good writing needs to show the action.

After I posted, I realized I had misunderstood your point. Adding some descriptive "meat' to her writing is definitely good advice. However, having read and re-read the story, I really do like the minimalism of it. It's very easy to read. (In fact, many writers who overly focus on detail bore me to death. Sometimes authors make up for lack of plot by overly describing their world. Cough, Robert Jordan, cough. It's like a comic book that has great artwork, but a non-existent story line.)

I get the sense that the author, Meat's Fan, is "playing" with these characters on paper similar to the way a kid might play with Star Wars figures. In the writing, this translates to a heavier focus on the characters and their feelings than on their physical environment.

I think Meat's Fan fancies herself as the character Marie taking care of the character Meat who she adores.

[Meat's fan]

I'm doing the best I can I'm still an amateur

It's hard for me to write you know.

I have my schoolwork also, you know.

I edited the story again so I hope you like it.

Tell me if it needs more improvement.

Well I do also think that I overdid it a little.

Thanks for that.

Edited by Meat's fan, 24 September 2008 - 01:26 PM.

[Meat's fan]

Meat began crying. Marie tried to comfort him, “It’s okay Meat. Stop crying now.” Meat said angrily while removing Marie’s hand from his shoulder, “How can that be okay! Can’t you see that mercenary killed my own father! I only got to know him when he was killed by Bone Cold! Why, why, why, why, WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................Why…………………………why……………………”

Tears were falling to the kotatsu. He dropped his head, he covered it using his arms and the sound of sadness filled the house. Marie didn’t know what to do. She never saw Meat like this. She has seen Meat cry lots of times, but never like this. Sad, Depressed, Hurt, she saw it all. She was worried. Then she stood up and said, “I’ll cook dinner for you. I’m sure you like a Beef Bowl, even though that’s Mantaro’s favourite dish. So stop being depressed like that and get ready.” She went straight to the kitchen and winked at Meat. Meat blushed of what he heard and saw. He started to smile. Marie was relived of the outcome. Then she began to cook.

There's still work to be done, but that can only come from writing and reading as much as possible. But honestly, these simple changes make it 100% better. Good luck!

Thanks a lot! You just made my day!

Edited by Meat's fan, 25 September 2008 - 11:49 AM.

[Soupie]

How's chapter three coming along?

[Meat's fan]

How's chapter three coming along?

It's fine I'm not finished yet because of my schoolwork.
I'll get it done soon.

[Meat's fan]

Chapter 3 Kid’s Plan

Kid Muscle knocked on the door of Suminoe Kindergarten. Roxanne answered it, but closed it again. Kid said, “Come on Roxanne! It’s important! It’s about your mom!” Roxanne opened the door again and said, “This better be good” Kid told Roxanne what he saw awhile ago. They were drinking tea as they were talking.

After Kid had finished talking, Roxanne brought down her cup and said, “So what you’re saying is, Meat still likes my mom.” Kid replies, “Yup! You should have seen them together. They make a cute couple. And first love never dies, right?” Roxanne said, “You’re right but, my mom loved your father first and got dumped, right.”Kid had just realized it. “Oh yeah, But that’s like over 20 years ago.” Roxanne asked, “So, what’s your plan?”

Kid brought out his cell phone and said, “I’m going to the monthly Muscle League Group Training at Ryogoku National Martial Arts Stadium tomorrow. I’m calling Terry, Wally, Dik Dik, and Checkmate to join me.”

Roxanne asked, “Are you sure you’re going? I think Terry and the others wouldn’t believe you. And my mom and Meat would find out. And what will Mr. McMadd say.” Kid answered, “Don’t worry Roxanne. I’ve got it all covered. Just bring Trixie, Kiki, and your mom and we’ll all meet in front of your house, tomorrow. Okay?

He stood up, opened the door and waved goodbye.

Roxanne said while cuffing her chin with her hands, “Hmmmm…… Hope your plan works Kid. My mom does need romance right now.” The she grabbed her phone and started to call Trixie and Kiki. Meanwhile, on the way home, Kid grabbed his cellphone and started to call Terry.

Terry, on the other hand, was hanging out with some girl when his cellphone rang. He said to the girls, “Just wait a minute, okay girls?” Then he answered the phone, “Hello”

“Terry it’s me!”

“Oh, Kid, why y’all calling now?”

“Well, you see Terry”

Kid Muscle explained to Terry Kenyon everything and Terry opened his mouth wide. He said, “Are you sure, you’re Kid Muscle? I reckon you’re a DMP member disguised as him. It’s Kid’s number, all right. But how y’all tell me if you’re Kid Muscle?” Kid said, “Kay, I’ll prove to you.” Terry was waiting for an answer then there was a stinky sound. When he heard it, he quickly covered his nose and shouted, “KID MUSCLE!!!!! DON’T DO THAT TO YOUR CELL PHONE!!!!!!!! Okay, you’ve got proof. So why are we going there tomorrow?”

Kid told Terry everything, and he was really shocked. His jaw was opened wide and he said, “Really y’all? You serious?” Kid said, “Of course, Roxanne, Trixie, and Kiki we’ll be there.” When Kid heard Trixie’s name he quickly said, “Trixie? She’ll be there? Okay, I’ll help you. Meat needs it anyway too. Okay…… Bye”. He ended the call.

Kid began to dial Dik Dik’s number. Dik Dik, on the other hand was beating up some thugs, when his cell phone rang. He answered it, realizing it was Kid Muscle he said while still beating up the thugs, “Hi Kid, what’s up?” Kid told Dik Dik the same thing he told Terry .

Dik Dik had the same reaction too. He said while giving the thug a good punch, “Will Mr. McMadd agree on that?” Kid answered, “I said I’ll take care of it. Just be ready okay?” Dik Dik said, “Okay, I’ll really enjoy this. This is for Meat, after all. Okay…. Bye!” He ended the call.

Then next was Checkmate. Checkmate was playing chess with some people on the streets then he won all of them. When his cellphone rang, he realized it was Kid, so he answered it and said, “Good evening Kid! Why art thou call in this wonderful night?”

Kid told him also his plan. As usual, Checkmate had the same reaction. He said, “What if Mr. McMadd doesn’t allow thee to take part and why thee you speak of your plan?” Kid answered, “Because I wanna help Meat, and don’t worry, since you’re on our side now, I’m sure that old grandpa would let you in.” Checkmate said, “Don’t worry I vow to help thee for your friend, who is Meat”

He ended the call.

Kid dialled Wally’s number.

Wally Tusket was about to eat a giant fish that he had caught in the bay, when his cellphone rang. He answered the phone and said, “Hey there!”

“Wally it’s me!”

“Oh, hey there, Kid! How’s it going?”

Kid told Wally his plan. While he was listening to Kid, he ate a part of the fish and when he heard the plan, he choked up, but quickly spat it out. Wally said in shock, “Are you sure about that Kid? Meat will freak if he finds out your behind all of this.” Kid said proudly, “Don’t worry, he’ll never find out. Just go with us tomorrow, okay?” Wally said finishing his fish, “Of course, Meat really needs it right now. I’ll go there for Meat’s sake.”

Kid ended the call. He said to himself, “Oh yeah! This is my chance, help Meat!”

At Beverly Park, Meat and Marie were washing the dishes. Marie was a humming a song, Meat on the other hand, thought ‘Thanks to Marie, I’m so happy today. She really comforted me.’ He looked at her and began to blush. ‘Why am I blushing?’ Meat thought, ‘I know she’s pretty but, I thought I got over my feelings for her. It’s not like I….I….like her again. Is that possible?’ Marie said, “Hey Meat! I have to go. Roxanne might be looking for me, okay. Goodnight!” She left and smiled at him. Meat’s face turned red. He thought, ‘She’s really beautiful today! I wonder why I just noticed that now. But do I like her or maybe I’m just sick?’ When he was still thinking, Kid entered and said, “Hey, Meat, I’ve got something to tell you!” Then he noticed Meat just standing there, with his face all red, and staring at the door. He tried to wake him up from his daydreams by snapping his fingers in front of him. Meat finally woke up and said, “Oh! Kid you’re back.” Kid Muscle said, “Okay Meat, tomorrow we’re going to the monthly Muscle League Group Training.”

Meat’s eyes began to widen, he couldn’t believe what he just heard.

Note: Ryogoku is a neighbourhood in Sumida, Tokyo.
Ryogoku National Martial Arts Stadium is the name of the stadium in the manga.